How to choose your friends wisely

They say you can't choose your family but when it comes to friends, most of us have freedom of choice. That's what makes friends so special.

Friendships help us develop as people, but the very term "friend" covers a whole range of relationships. You have a very close friendship with your partner but with others it may just be a common interest or history or simply children the same age. We all have friends with whom we share a common interest, like football or shopping, but such friendships are less profound than those with the ones we love for themselves or something in their character; the mates we can sit down with and share a meal or the ups and downs of life.

The advent of social networking sites such as Facebook has given rise to the idea that we can have almost limitless numbers of friends but this only serves to dilute the concept of friendship. I'm as guilty as the next person for adding people out of curiosity. After the initial dialogue, correspondence usually slows down to a trickle proving that when it comes to our circle of friends, quality is the most important factor, not quantity.

A strong friendship, like a successful marriage, is based on trust and honesty and is mutually beneficial but good friends can be hard to find. In 'How to choose your friends wisely', Sarah Letts recommends that you:

"Inquire about the person's family. Even if someone is not close with his family, you can learn a lot about him by the way he talks about them. If he comes across as

bitter or mean, it's a signal that he may have issues in relationships."

I've always considered myself to be a good judge of character, however I can't help wishing that I'd read that bit of advice before investing my time and effort in one particular person. The friend in question only ever had negative things to say about his nearest and dearest. His dad was 'a git' , his mum 'a pain', brother 'useless' and his wife 'a nasty piece of work'. I have to concede that there's certainly some truth in the idea that he has issues with relationships, so much so that he now relies on his wife to control who he see and when.

Whilst I can understand him wanting to keep his best friend / wife ( I use the BF term loosely here as I sense the marriage is based more on honour and convenience than friendship) happy, It saddens me to think that he has cast most of his decent friends aside. I used to feel hurt that I was one of the friends in question but when I remember his words "I've never been dumped - I always dump them before they get the chance", it all makes sense.