The Truth

When you question someone's honesty and their response is 'I don't have to prove anything to you', you can pretty much guarantee that's because they can't substantiate their claims. The following list is not exhaustive:

1. I own a property development company...working on projects (worth between £5ooK and £1 million) all over the UK I sell houses (average value £350K) within a 5 mile radius of my office.
2. I live in a detached house A terraced house
3. I'm not married I got married 2 years ago
4. I live in Harrow Bushey
5. I don't have kids I have a young daughter who is my world
6. My dad's a git he lent me £70k to keep my business afloat
7. My brother's useless he runs a successful business, is happily married and still makes time for friends
8. A pal and I own an apartment in Spain it actually belongs to my in-laws
9. I love you I want you to say it back to me to boost my ego, 'cause my wife rarely does
10. I don't go in for all that religion shit but I'll still have my son circumsized

Some of the above statements were clearly based on opinion, therefore cannot be classed as lies as such. The others however, show how addictive lying can be. Once lie #3 had been told, #1, #4, #5 ,#8 and #9 were inevitable. As well as keeping his identity hidden, they served to hide a certain amount of hypocrisy:

"you shouldn't be chatting to me, you are a married lady....you made vows"

Sure, I vowed that I would love and honour and respect my husband and I'd spent 10 years doing just that, but here was a man, recently married, telling me how I should conduct myself within my marriage. A man who denied the existence of his own spouse in order to justify his unsavoury internet activity. A man so dissatisfied with his lot that he felt the need to big himself up.

Perhaps I was wrong to have embarked on a relationship with him, although I don't remember vowing not to talk to another man after my wedding day. I'd always had male friends and had no intention of relinquishing them, just because I had a 'Mrs' before my name.

My husband knew about 'Lee' because I told him. I didn't tell him everything of course, which is probably just as well given that I did eventually untangle my friend's web of lies. I doubt Mr S would have reacted very favourably to Lee's confessions of what he'd like to do with me. Nor would he have taken to kindly to his suggestion of 'hiring a hit man', so he could have me all to himself.

I guess my being economical with the truth makes me just as guilty as Lee. The difference is, I did it to protect him and my husband's feelings, he lied purely to protect himself.

Boredom: Blog Ratios

I'm acutely aware of of the sudden increase in the frequency of my blogs, and it's got me wondering about the catalyst for this recent splurge.

It would be easy enough to attribute it to Boredom, however that doesn't take into account Frustration, the sibling of Restlessness. I've wrestled lamely with both the former and the latter lately, but managed to keep Frustration in an unyielding head-lock. Up to now that is.

I was brought up to observe manners such as: writing thank-you letters for gifts/hospitality; not talking over/ interrupting people; waiting my turn; respecting others' religion/ sexual orientation/ feelings; holding doors open for people; giving up my seat for the old and infirm.....and it annoys me when others don't follow these basic principles of social etiquette.

Being ignored upsets me most of all. Granted, I'm guilty of this crime myself when it comes to responding to the Inland Revenue, but I'm not stupid enough to think that, by ignoring the letters they send, they'll just forget about me. I also doubt whether the VAT man will take it personally.

Ignorance is bliss....

as they say. If that's the case, I know one ignorant person who must be wallowing in a blissful bed of roses now. Hope he can ignore the thorns.

Mojo

I sometimes wonder, now that I am no longer a 'distraction' in his life, does he still feel the need to prove his mojo in chatrooms or, is the effort he has been putting in at home finally paying off?

How to choose your friends wisely

They say you can't choose your family but when it comes to friends, most of us have freedom of choice. That's what makes friends so special.

Friendships help us develop as people, but the very term "friend" covers a whole range of relationships. You have a very close friendship with your partner but with others it may just be a common interest or history or simply children the same age. We all have friends with whom we share a common interest, like football or shopping, but such friendships are less profound than those with the ones we love for themselves or something in their character; the mates we can sit down with and share a meal or the ups and downs of life.

The advent of social networking sites such as Facebook has given rise to the idea that we can have almost limitless numbers of friends but this only serves to dilute the concept of friendship. I'm as guilty as the next person for adding people out of curiosity. After the initial dialogue, correspondence usually slows down to a trickle proving that when it comes to our circle of friends, quality is the most important factor, not quantity.

A strong friendship, like a successful marriage, is based on trust and honesty and is mutually beneficial but good friends can be hard to find. In 'How to choose your friends wisely', Sarah Letts recommends that you:

"Inquire about the person's family. Even if someone is not close with his family, you can learn a lot about him by the way he talks about them. If he comes across as

bitter or mean, it's a signal that he may have issues in relationships."

I've always considered myself to be a good judge of character, however I can't help wishing that I'd read that bit of advice before investing my time and effort in one particular person. The friend in question only ever had negative things to say about his nearest and dearest. His dad was 'a git' , his mum 'a pain', brother 'useless' and his wife 'a nasty piece of work'. I have to concede that there's certainly some truth in the idea that he has issues with relationships, so much so that he now relies on his wife to control who he see and when.

Whilst I can understand him wanting to keep his best friend / wife ( I use the BF term loosely here as I sense the marriage is based more on honour and convenience than friendship) happy, It saddens me to think that he has cast most of his decent friends aside. I used to feel hurt that I was one of the friends in question but when I remember his words "I've never been dumped - I always dump them before they get the chance", it all makes sense.