'F**k Off and Get a Life - seriously, get help'

The words on my lap top monitor stared back at me cuttingly. The sharpness of the tone sliced into my soul, hitting a few raw nerves along the way.

The e-mail from Lee's wife was short and to the point. She didn't wish to hear my apologies or care to share my insight into her marriage, nor did she 'give a shit about' what I'd been through. I can see that it wasn't her empathy that endeared her to her husband. He'd said she was a 'nasty piece of work', and here she was, threatening to show me 'what she was capable of'.

I know that she's capable of refusing her husband access to his children, should he leave, but I'm left wondering how she plans to hurt me. Handbags at dawn perhaps? A bit of hair pulling and face scratching? A vicious stream of aggressive, vulgar insults?

My confessional message of apology to 'the moody wife' (her ironically sarcastic words) hadn't been intended to hurt her. If I'd wanted to inflict a bit of mental pain, I could have simply mailed her the transcripts of the MSN conversations between Lee and me. I chose to write and tell her my side of the story because I couldn't stand the thought of being judged as a home wrecker or stalker. I wanted her to know the truth as I saw it, not how Lee had (or not) described the whole affair to her.

Another part of me hoped that my interference might stir up some sort of a reaction from Lee, a show of emotion, be it positive of negative. If my meddling resulted in me being told, in no uncertain terms, to fuck off, then at least I could accept that he was a cowardly, lying bastard and move on.

As far as 'getting a life' goes, I'm working on it. Miriam might be surprised to learn that I do have quite a lot of insight into the life of an intelligent married mother, juggling with the stresses of weaning, potty training, house moves, loss of libido, lack of sleep, work.................Perhaps she's jealous that I had enough time in my life to spend making her husband happy; or annoyed that Lee had caught a glimpse of another attractive wife who did all of the above and still seemed to show her husband love and support; maybe she's laughing at me because she knows that I was yet another of her spouse's 'meaningless indiscretions'.

On paper, I still have the same life I had before this all started: a doting (albeit estranged) husband; 2 happy, healthy children who excel at school, a beautiful home with hardly any mortgage; a career I love; supportive and trustworthy family and friends. I take exception to Miriam's opinion that I need to get a life, although I'll concede that I do need help. Perhaps she could recommend her counsellor.