Deep down, I sensed she was right, but I struggled with making that break. I've never been a great believer in burning bridges, however I knew that in order to put an end to the cycle Lee's half-baked apologies & excuses and my acceptance of/ forgiveness for them, I had to light the touchpaper. Perhaps using his wife as the ignition point was unfair, but as he'd never stuck to the rules, I felt justified.
It's been 9 months now since I brought things to a head and, although I'm not particularly proud of myself for the way I went about things, I realise that it was the only way to force Lee's head out of the sand. All around him desert storms were raging, yet he continued to bury himself so deep that I feared he would eventually suffocate.
Looking back at our relationship, I can see how I had ended up feeling asphyxiated. In the early days, talking to Lee was like a breath of fresh air. I guess the problems started when he kept insisting on turning that air blue with constant requests for me to watch him masterbate. The first time I conceded was more out of curiosity than anything. Maybe I was looking for proof that he was as Jewish as he claimed. His circumsized willy was, he claimed, for my eyes only. When I saw it again, unbeknown to him, I was using a different name (by this time I had created a new profile in UK Chatterbox). I did feel like a naive fool, and slightly jealous if I'm honest, but I figured that as a single guy, slightly lacking in terms of physical appearance, he had to take it where he could get it.
The idea of someone relieving his sexual frustration all over the desk in his back office is made sadder when you realise that the wanker in question has a wife of 2 years at home. I'd be mortified to think of my husband spending our honeymoon period in this way. It'll come as no surprise to learn that I fell for the old 'my wife doesn't understand me' line when Lee finally confessed to her existence. It's no wonder she didn't understand him. She barely knew him and the secret life he lead.
Obviously I didn't divulge Lee's more sordid actions when I contacted Miriam, I spared him that humiliation. I could've sent transcripts of all the things he said he'd like to do with me, but knowing that his wife has issues about her body, I didn't think it would do much for her self esteem.
During one of the last conversations I had with Lee he claimed that in spite of everything, he was glad he'd met me. I helped him. I made him see how a marriage should and can be and now he was taking steps put right his own. I'm glad I had my uses.
The burning smell of the bridge I had set alight left a bitter aftertaste. What I had believed to be a genuine friendship was coming to an end and I couldn't help feeling cheated. I searched for positive things that our relationship had given me but failed to find anything of great significance. I'd sent birthday cards, Christmas presents and a gift for his new born son, I'd welcomed him into my life, introduced him to my friends, been patient and forgiving but what did I get in return? I'll tell you. A few nice words which, it turned out, he only meant 'at the time'.
It took Lee a matter of weeks to recover from the feeling that he loved me and realise that I wasn't The One he professed me to be. Granted, it's taken longer for the wounds he inflicted on me to heal but, ironically, with the help of one of his friends, I'm well on the road to recovery.
